The Salver

		July 2014 Just as the Ebola virus returns to Africa and the wider world, so Salver Abuse, a much more virulent problem, has returned to haunt the golfing fraternity of the Northeast. Not happy with winning the On-TOUR Trophy, The Salver and £30 in the PGA Sweep this Salverite has decided to stack 'em high in an attempt to impress others not as gifted as him/her/self. I am certain that if word were to get back to the sponsors of the recent On-TOUR event, then there would be a slippery slope down which this so-called Salverite would be taking.
		October 2013 On a recent social visit to, what I was led to believe was, a respectable garage in North West Durham, I was shocked by the site of The Icon, known in golfing circles as The Salver, being used or should I say, AB-used, in the manner represented to the right. The Salver was being used to Salvage used oil from the sumps of vehicles left at this "reputable" establishment for service. What a tragedy! It is incumbent on all Salverites to condemn in the extreme this practice, by not buying any petrol or sweets from this establishment until such time as OFSALVE have been in to reinspect the premises. Salverites will be notified when a clean bill of health has been awarded.
		June 2013 Who would have thought that a first time winner of our prestigious Salver, the most revered of all trophies would have the nerve to treat it with such disregard. Are we to believe that this well-travelled, sophisticated member of the community, has no crockery in her (oops), THE house, and has had to resort to having petit dejeuner off The Icon? We shudder to think what her (oops), THEIR next victory will lead to. Mind you, it looks delicious.
		January 2013 The bad weather has given rise to idle hands, and we all know what idle hands get up to. Abuse. But you would think that there are limits to that abuse. Yes, you would. But not in a certain house of ill repute on the Island. Once again The Salver has had its integrity challenged by these imoral individuals who cannot be trusted to house such an icon over the Winter months.
		December 2012 Just as the miserable 2012 was about to leave us, and spirits were high with expectation of a sunnier 2013 ahead of us, a visit to The Terrace to deliver best wishes of the season resulted in the discovery of a return to SALVER ABUSE! How could a couple of Salverites, trusted with the safekeeping of both Salver AND Accumualtor during the season of seasons, stoop to the level witnessed in the evidence to your right? May their collective conscience keep them awake at night pondering what led them to this dark place.
		August 2012 Just when we all thought that the dust had finally settled on Salver Abuse, and that it was a distant sordid episode in the life of a glorious icon, it is apparent that the perverted practice is still prevalent in the seedier suburbs of Tynemouth. How can someone sporting such a positive pinny stoop to a level whereby the most sought after trophy in their revered sport is reduced to nothing more than a Burger Platter. If anyone can identify this headless "chef" the Committee would be grateful for a phonecall. Mind you, it does look appertising!
		April 2012 After a respectful lull in abuse, of getting on for 9 months, The "New" Salver is delivered to the leafy lanes of one of the norths most desirable places to live and is reduced to a PLANTPOT. Obviously the residents of such leafy, sandy retreat have little to occupy their minds and can think of nothing better than to vandalise an innocent icon of their sport. Thank goodness that no one trusts them to look after small children, for who knows what might happen in this boredom ridden world of theirs.
		June 2011 We do have problems with some of the families associated with this prestigious Society, when they have to rely on capturing The Salver before they can throw a dinner party, due to the lack of quality silverware in their home on which to present their delicacies. The committee of The Salver need to do due diligence on all Salverite households before releasing said iconic Trophy for a monthly duration. The Salver cannot and will not be reduced to a mundane utensil, solely designed to elevate the lowly status of the impoverished family concerned, to that of aristocracy. Cheesecake looks delicious, though!
		April 2011 This is the authentic abuse for April. How can anyone call this respect for marine life, abuse. To the majority of the animal loving public the fact that The Salver is being transformed into a Mayfair swimming pool for upper class goldfish, would be one of pamper rather than abuse. The Salverite responsible for this "abuse" should be praised for his/her kindheartedness. If only more Salverites showed such compassion.
		April 2011 The Ultimate Humiliation!! After four years the Salver finally returns to its spiritual home where you would think it would find a safe haven. But No!! After years of castigation from the administration team, they have finally revealed their true colours. Our honoured trophy is now reduced to no more than an in-tray for the office Is the Salver safe anywhere??
		February 2011 How much more humiliation can this ICON take? If you can't trust people from Tynemouth to look after the trophy without subjecting it to PUBLIC humiliation, who can you trust. The Administrators of The Salver have already been in touch with the Abuse of Icons in Public Places Department and they have assured us that this cavalier attitude will not be tolerated. The lady in the shot will not have acted alone in this abuse, and she can expect the full force of AIPPD to be levelled against her acomplice as well.
		December 2010 Porky had plenty of time on his hands during December, due to the inclement weather and everyone knows what idle hands do. They abuse innocent things around them. The Salver has been reduced to more demeaning abuse aka Stephenson, Stokoe, Beveridge et al, but it nevertheless reduces the icon to no more than a tin receptacle. When will this activity finally stop?
		November 2010 Thank goodness for The Accumulator. Gary has started to tighten his belt following his purchase of an eco-meter and started to save on electricity!
		October 2010 We've literally reached THE BOTTOM of the barrel. "We are very proud of our granda winning the salver, its such a handy place to store our dirty nappies, saves all those trips to the bin! But as you can see from James' face it gets a bit smelly!!" Love from Finn & James
		September 2010 Don't you just love golf ? Just when you think you've already been a victim of every strange rule and piece of misfortune the game can throw at you, along comes another moment of education. Playing earlier than usual in yesterday's competition at Seahouses and feeling pretty peckish, I used my playing partner's phone to call the bar as we waited on the 9th tee. Good old Duncan answered and I asked if he would order a bacon buttie for me to pick up as we passed the club house. "Yes I can" he replied "but you'll be disqualified from the competition". Despite a sh**e card I decided to risk death from starvation to carry on and got to the 16th before succumbing to a tasty and crispy non-return. Moral of the story is lads and lasses, put a couple of rashers, two slices of bread, a gas primus stove, frying pan and bottle of HP in your bag BEFORE you go on the course. May the sauce be with you !
		August 2010 Unfortunately your warnings about careless use of the screwdriver when fixing the plate to The Salver proved to be strangely prophetic. Noel.
		August 2010 How much more can this icon take? You can see by this photo how much I am aprreciating having the Slaver in our house, it is a perfect home for my most favourite wine in the whole world!! The Slaver's greatest honour to date!! The Abusive Family at No 11. (Stokoes)
		February 2010 From the expression on Mollys' face she has obviously been FORCED against her will to perform an unnatural act. Salver abuse has found a new low, and it remains to be seen what action the RSPCA will take in preventing this ever happening again. Keep your eye open for further developments on Look North.
		December 2009 This family cannot be trusted! How much more evidence do the Social Services need to prove once and for all, that this family cannot be trusted to look after trophies responsibly. How can a golfer bidding to be a member of The Order of The Salver allow his family to discredit all that have made him great. Once again" Where will it all end?" In tears, most likely.
		November 2009 Toucan make a dream come true. The abuse of The Salver has now plumbed new depths. You would think that a family that can look after remains in their garden that have been there for millennia, could at least try to protect an heirloom, in their possession, for less than a month. The RSPB have been informed. You should be ashamed.
		October 2009 Accumulator abuse How can anyone treat an item of such history and respect in this way? It is beyond me how people like this can sleep at night and more so, raise children. If this is what they do to an innocent Accumulator, just imagine what must go on behind closed curtains. Does anyone have Ester Rantzen's number?
		October 2009 Everyone was looking forward to an evening of fine Indian cuisine at a respected Salverites' home in late October. However, as guests were invited into the respendant dining room they were horrified to see that the revered Salver had been reduced to nothing more than a popadom receptacle. Many guests threatened to contact the Indian Consulate on Ocean Road, South Shields to prevent a possible international incident. The Salverite has been spoken to.
		July 2009 This is exactly the sort of abuse of The Salver that we wish to stamp out. It simply mirrors society today where standards across all walks of life have plummeted to such depths that a highly prized and sort after token of endeavour can be reduced to an armchair for a member of an obviously out of control family where respect is at a word only heard on their Rap Ipod. The family responsible for this abuse are thought to have had access to The Salver sometime during the month of July 2009. Jeremy Kyle may be a next port of call for this "family".